She’s getting married in the morning

Will you or won’t you second or third time around?

Will you or won’t you consider remarriage?

Will you or won’t you get married second – or third – time around?   That is the question. I’ve decided I will and I do take this kind, loving human being called Philip Samuel to walk life’s path with me rather than continue on my own. 

So she’s getting married on 6^th October.  Ding Dong the Bells are going to chime.    I’m all fluttery inside already – and on the outside too actually. 

It’s 26 years since I was last married – and I can’t remember the last time I went to a wedding.  I’m feeling a little out of touch and certainly out of practice.  Friends, who have been in the marital arena more recently, are coaching me. 

I’ve been worrying about things I should know better not to worry about.  Like whether I can stay upright on the heels my friend loaned me – or whether I should buy my own.  I’ve now bought my own.

Whether on the day, I’ll remember the make-up lesson I had in Bobbi Brown’s weeks ago – and what all the brushes, colours and little pots are for.   A client, who is a make-up artist, is giving me an extra lesson.

Whether my ‘audio team’, in charge of our pre-recordings, will blue-tooth to the registry office’s Wi Fi at the appropriate moment, from their phone.  Certainly there’s a much greater chance of them getting this right than me.

Postponement

Thank goodness, I postponed my September workshops until October and beyond.  There is plenty enough ‘Event’ for me to organise in this ‘small, private affair’, which started out with 4 people and is no longer small and private.

Possibly my head would have ruled out a wedding entirely, if it hadn’t been for my Intuitive Vision Boards.  For the past two years, they’d been making it clear that romance was in the air if I was prepared to bow to fate. 

The only thing that could have banned me from calling the banns was if my head had talked me out of these premonitions with cautionary tales of marriage, based on previous experiences – my own and other peoples’.

My 2021 vision board showed strong indications of a romantic encounter, not that I was planning this as I was creating it.  My intuition was in charge and my mind had been relegated to the back seat.  The uncanny thing is the profile of the man looks almost identical to Sam’s while the woman has my curly hair.  How would I have known that 3 months before I met him. Well, my intuition did.

Moving in, moving on
Almost a year later, in 2022, we moved into the cottage in North Oxfordshire behind the farmhouse featured on the same 2021 vision board (compare the two images above).  The subject of marriage had been raised by then but nothing cast in stone, let alone a ring. 

Weeks after making my 2023 vision board (precognitive signs to follow next time), this was to change.  An engagement ring was placed on my finger by my noble sailor on bent knee at Stepper Point, Padstow, where we’d been on our first date and as featured in the opening episode of the Poldark series.

Can I be sure that without the inspiration, goading and prodding of my deep desires made manifest via my vision boards, I would have been so open and ready to accept Sam’s proposal?  I don’t think so – and I am grateful to my visionary muse for its persistency.
 
Hesitancy and trepidation
I do get it.  After a relationship or marriage that went wrong, it’s natural to want to retreat and spend time in emotional recovery.  The disappointments, the betrayal, the demise of expectations, the false promises – all need to be worked through and let go of.  It takes time. 

This period often includes playing catch-up with the desire to get back on track – whether to do with work or career, finances certainly take a hammering, and there are invariably implications as to where to live.  It’s not surprising we’re less inclined to look for a suitable match again – or even hope for it.  This was my experience anyway.  There were so many hurdles to overcome, especially when I was still raising my daughter. She was the priority and I wanted her life to matter because mine had gone disastrously wrong (so I perceived at the time). 

Broken and discouraged, grieving the loss is a must.  The thought of dipping your toe into a new relationship, let alone getting naked with another, emotionally and in bed – especially later in life – can be a prospect too daunting to consider.

House for a mouse
Many women I speak to are adamant not to let go of the roof over their heads and are determined to hold onto the existing one for dear life, for fear of the alternative. Whether it’s the right roof for the next chapter, doesn’t come into question. 

From a Feng Shui point of view (I’m a practitioner of this ancient wisdom), it’s a good idea at this juncture to entertain moving house – or give your living environment a transformative make-over – so the new life you are about to create isn’t tinged with hauntings of the old.

This is also the time to be extra kind to yourself and not beat yourself up in ways that are detrimental to your mental and physical health – like over-eating or drinking too much. It’s a pivotal moment and affords the opportunity for huge spiritual growth if you don’t allow negative story lines to engulf you.  

What do you really need?
I recommend instead you reconnect with your deep needs (my method is via the Intuitive Vision Board (IVB) – but be prepared to create the circumstances in which they are fulfilled.  Don’t wait expectantly for another sailor to come along and take care of them for you. Having spent much of my adult life making my partners’ needs a priority and hoping one day we’d get around to fulfilling my own, this was an important lesson for me.

Raw and vulnerable when your defences are down, is the optimum time to do the necessary research to understand the part you played in the demise of your previous relationship, when the answers lie closer to the surface. 

This isn’t to so you can be hard on yourself for your mistakes but to learn from the experience and avoid making them again.   If you knew then what you no doubt know now, you might have handled the situation differently.  That’s the benefit of hindsight.  But you did the best you could at the time with the information and awareness you had at the time.  That much you can be sure of.

Love over fear
Rather than be quick to close down on the idea of remarriage, I took the time to understand the thoughts and feelings I was left with that could prevent me building a new relationship based on trust, transparency and respect.  

One thing I was clear about going forward was that open, honest communication would be appropriate right from the word go; no holding back for fear of ruffling or upsetting the other.  Another lesson I learned the hard way.

Love is the power.  When we allow fear to take priority over love, we’re in trouble every time.   Fear constricts us, keeps us small and constrains the opportunities a new relationship represents. 

I was mostly afraid to trust myself again to make a wise decision about choosing a good partner for me.  But my friends gave me the thumbs up to Sam without me even asking.  By the time I’d done the inner work and had no further lingering resentments towards my ex, I was ready. 

And what do you suppose happened next?  The Universe considered me ready too and pointed me in the right direction with my eyes and heart wide open.

Another chance at love
It feels like a great privilege to have another chance at love and marriage.  I hope I can cherish and respect every minute of it and won’t have it tarnished by fear and apprehension.  If this happens, I’ll take the opportunity to work through it. 

We didn’t settle on a large lavish affair for our wedding.  But we asked our very best friends who have seen me through pain and suffering, to come and celebrate the start of this chapter.

Some people who come to my IVB workshops are dead sure of the opposite.  They’re ready for another relationship and expect it to be evident on their vision board.  When they drop into the intuitive zone, sometimes love shows up on their board – and sometimes it doesn’t.  When it doesn’t, I match their disappointment and their compulsion to wilfully find an image to portray the missing person, by saying: 

“You may think it’s the right time but I invite you to consider there’s something that needs to be taken care of first.  Some further healing may be required or an outstanding issue to be addressed before you are primed for your next big love.  Have you still got your hooks into your ex?  If so there is more to be unfastened before you’re free from the loss, anger or bitterness that is keeping you attached.”

I had a lot to let go of in the previous relationship which had left my daughter and I in considerable financial and physical hardship.  However, I got there in the end and can look back with all sincerity I can say that its demise was the best thing that ever happened to me.  I have grown exponentially since then from the ‘gift’ that was unwelcome at the time.

Perhaps like me you also choose to finish raising your children before you hook up again.  Once I saw my daughter well-routed on her pathway, I felt able to undertake a new commitment to me.  I decided to let go of my home, sell off all my belongings and embark on a house-sitting adventure for the next 2-3 years, which included the pandemic.  This allowed me to save money which I could reinvest in the development of my business that had not been possible before.   (For a rundown of the synchronicities surrounding this have a read of Travelling light with Feng Shui.)  

By the time I met Sam in 2021, I was much clearer about what my business and I needed without experiencing the conflicting priorities a new relationship brings.  In addition Sam met me head on, heart on, in his willingness to get support me in a way I had not been before. 

Wedding vows
And so our special day looms large as I write this.
We’ve taken the inspiration for our celebration from the poets, Kalil Gibran and Rumi. The poem below is being read by a friend at the ceremony.  It speaks to me of what I didn’t understand in the past and what I do now.  Here is an extract.  I hope you enjoy reading it.