Trapped in an old story? Here’s how to break free and create a new storyline.
Breaking free
I read in Esther Perel’s newsletter how stories shape our reality. It was a potent reminder of how helpful it is to become aware of our stories but not get trapped in them. To remove them like a coat when the warmer weather comes and switch to an alternative garment before they become attached like a skin.
I’ve shared Esther’s piece verbatim, except where I’ve corrected her American spelling mistakes, ha ha. My comments are added at the end.
“Stories shape our reality. They help us make sense of our pasts, what we’ve been through, who we were then, who we are now, and who we would like to be going forward.
“We tell stories to introduce ourselves to new people. We tell stories to explain our behaviour (even to people who’ve known us for a long time). Our stories help us relate to others who have similar life experiences and they help us connect with people who are vastly different from us. We cherish these narratives, sometimes too much. We all have our go-to stories, but have you ever wondered what role they play in your life? How might the internal logic of these stories shape your new experiences?
· Has a childhood of neglect made you question whether you are worthy of attention?
· Have one too many bad dates made you give up on dating altogether?
· Do you often find yourself explaining why you are the way that you are to someone who interprets your story as an excuse?
· Have you ever caught yourself making unfair assumptions about somebody else?
· Where do your expectations of yourself and others come from? Are they too high? Too low?
“If you answered yes to any of these, it’s time to ask: what if you’re actually trapped in your own story? It doesn’t mean that it didn’t happen the way you think it did, or that your story doesn’t matter. It may all be true, but how does it serve you?
Stories for protection and prevention
“We use our stories as reminders, as protection and prevention. Our core stories, such as “I can’t depend on anybody but myself,” were once adaptive storylines. They banished our helplessness and made us able and strong. But while they fit the past, they don’t necessarily fit the present—and they may be blocking the future. Holding on to them with tenacity can make us so hypervigilant that we see the past everywhere. What we insist on, persists. It can stop us from seeing and trying new things and, yes, writing new stories.
“If a date shows up late and we have a history of being left waiting or feeling invisible, we might race immediately to the foregone conclusion of our go-to story: that either they are selfish or that we are unworthy—or both. When we hold on to the deep beliefs about who we are or how we think others view us, it can prevent us from creating new beliefs about who we can be.
“Don’t worry: writing new stories isn’t about letting go of the hero’s journey that has led us to where we are. It’s about allowing ourself to write new chapters, to develop the plot, characters, themes, settings, and lessons.
“I was asked recently how I know when someone is stuck in a self-defeating story. Whether in my psychotherapy office or on my podcasts, there’s always one dead giveaway. If the person repeats the exact same story—word for word—with the same examples and conclusions every time, I know that they are trapped in a narrative cycle. I’ve made it a mission to have people come into my office with one story and leave with another.
The goal is to transform from stasis to movement, from repetition to possibility, from constriction to openness.
From stasis to movement. Repetition to possibility. Constriction to openess.
Making an Intuitive Vision Board is a good way to avoid getting trapped in old stories by creating new ones. That’s why I make a new board every year as a discipline. It’s a creative exercise that’s very clever because it by-passes the library of the thinking mind where old stories are filed and teleports you to the intuitive cosmos where new opportunities are waiting.
Remote viewing
An Intuitive Vision Board shakes up your fixity. It allows your imagination to have a conversation with universal intelligence via the images you choose to appear on your vision board and ‘remote view’ future possibilities until they become real. Remote viewing is regarded as the means of acquiring information about a future event, or a non-local place, person or activity, without using your physical senses to do so.
Clairvoyance
Making an intuitive vision board can be clairvoyant – providing a glimpse of the future without being able to explain or prove how you came by that insight or information. It’s a fascinating and under-utilised facility we all have – not just the psychics among us – and comes in handy when you’re wondering which road to take next.
Mary Nondé
Mary is the originator of the Intuitive Vision Board and author of ‘Awaken Your Intuitive Vision’. She has inspired many to live their best lives ever with her ground-breaking intuitive process, which she teaches in online and at live retreats accompanied by intuitive readings.
Mary Nondé is the author of Awaken Your Intuitive Vision.
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