Are there times when you give your power, authority and well-being away by saying YES when you really mean NO? Many of us do on occasion or by default, which is why taking timeout for mindful self-enquiry is so important.
The value of saying NO for a bigger YES
Have there been times in your life when you’ve been guilty of avoiding NO? Maybe it’s happening now. In short, you’re doing too many things out of a sense of duty, only to be over-burdened by the complexity of the juggling act you are performing.
This situation can trundle along for so long and then there’s a point where it becomes too much. Rather than continue to take it in your stride, you notice big chunks of life are consumed away and you can’t claim them back.
Tangled up in blue
Earlier in my life I went through a blue period that lasted for seven years. Seven years in which I couldn’t find the way to say NO.
In a relationship, I had become very adept at putting my partner’s needs ahead of my own in order to maintain the status quo while my own lay languishing.
Why?
Because I was afraid of the uproar that would ensue by my saying NO and the consequences of it. It’s not a sufficient reason I know now. But I felt vulnerable at the time as a single, unsupported parent. And I didn’t know any better so I remained enslaved to the circumstance. I kept busy to avoid facing the fact I was being emotionally bullied and trapped in a co-dependent relationship. This realisation had not escaped my body, however.
Sickness is the consequence not the cause
I suffered from insomnia and migraines. Run down, I picked up colds, verrucae, fungal toe infection – all signs that my immune system was depleted.
Becoming increasingly dis-empowered, my confidence sank to an all-time low and my self-esteem plummeted. I was filled with self-doubt and no longer had a sense of who I was or where my strengths lay. But neither could I gain a higher perspective to recognise what was going on – or what to do about it. of the uproar that would ensue by my saying NO and the consequences of it. It’s a weak reason but I didn’t know any better at the time, enslaved to the situation like I was. I kept busy so I didn’t have to face up to being emotionally bullied and manipulated, trapped in a co-dependent relationship.
This realisation had not escaped my body, however.
What saying YES when you really mean NO does to you
Medical studies have shown that when we suppress a YES in favour of a NO, we go against ourselves. This registers with our body as a form of self-attack.
When our thoughts contain doubt and fear, this actually changes the physiology of the body and the behaviour of our cells. It causes our vibrational frequency to dip and makes us more vulnerable to disease. This is the power of the untethered mind.
One of my somatic movement-art teachers, Anna Halprin USA, herself an experimental dance-movement pioneer, made an important discovery while working with HIV/AIDS patients. With their immune system compromised by HIV, they were not able to defend themselves sufficiently from infection. What was cause and what was effect, in this weakened mind/body state, she observed how difficult it was for them to say NO in other areas of their life where it would be to their advantage to do so.
Creating boundaries
Anna worked somatically with patients to strengthen their boundaries. She taught them how to express a clear NO and a convincing YES with every fibre of their being. Their bodies registered a new clarity.
I believe its my own experience, which included a dysfunctional childhood, that motivated me to encourage and enable others to find their authentic YES since I’d had to struggle with this.
Now it gives me great satisfaction to uncover what peoples’ real passions, desires and motivations are in my somatic-based practice. I use different tools to Anna – the Intuitive Vision Board and Feng Shui – and in combination in my EVE Alchemy programme.
The vision board uncovers the truth beyond the conditioned mind while Feng Shui creates the environment in which you’ll thrive and manifest that truth. Both are embodied practices, designed to illustrate what people need to stay healthy, abundant and wise.
Stepping off the merry-go-round
When I was caught up in the web of co-dependence, the biggest obstacle was my conditioned mind. It controlled my thoughts and provided all the rationalisation and justification I could ever wish for to convince me to stay in a relationship that undermined me.
How was I to by-pass this inner voice and create space in my body-mind so that a deeper, more wholesome wisdom could get through?
This wasn’t easy while I continued to be immersed in the situation. I didn’t have access to an alternative viewpoint so I kept going around in circles. Eventually I managed to get off the merry-go-round, using my own tools to get me to safety.
Seasoned pathfinder
Now, a seasoned pathfinder myself, I provide a space for others to step off the merry-go-round and gain a helicopter view of their YES/NO canopy. It’s all captured in one place, on your vision board, what you need most for your sanity and vitality.
By using this creative method, you’ll identify the people, places and activities to welcome in with a resounding YES. And with this clarity makes it much easier to say NO, let go, and walk away.
It’s difficult to reach this clarity on your own. Or to find the courage to act on it. You certainly won’t discover it while you continue to drill away at the coalface – and keep on drilling like I did.
Life is short and you’re worth more than personal sacrifice.
About me
Founder of the Intuitive Vision Board. I’ll show you how to create your big picture and become your own best authority over your life when you rely more on your intuition and less on your logic. Once upon a time a metaphorical hurricane whipped through my life and flattened the lot. Faced with a crisis of magnitude and blindsided by it, I created a new vision board. It was to be my lifesaver, providing solutions to life’s challenges in a way I’d not previously considered possible.
Author of ‘Awaken Your Intuitive Vision – unlocking possibilities you never knew existed AVAILABLE ON AMAZON . Or available to order from your local book store.
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www.marynonde.com